Here's to you Self-Appointed Spokesman for Ethical Coffee

You stomp around, demanding "only fair-trade, organic, shade-grown" coffee!

You may have no "facts" on the subject, but you're pretty sure of yourself. After all, you did hear the final snippets of an NPR interview on coffee ethics.

Your preachy manner doesn't make you any friends or converts, but man does it ever assuage your liberal white guilt.

You may call "fair-trade" "free-trade," but don't let your ignorance stop you. It never has before.

You may drive a new gas-sucking Range-Rover your daddy bought you, but really, I think that you are right to focus your angry energy on more pertinent issues: Is that really a bird-friendly espresso blend?