On Dark Roasted Coffee

Every day someone comes into the roastery and says something like this:

"I just LOVE your coffee. I want to buy something really tasty--something good and dark"

First of all, you DON'T love our coffee if you like "dark" coffee. We do roast some coffees dark, but we roast 90% of our coffees light (Full City) or medium (Vienna), so you don't know what you're talking about. And here's the dirty little secret on Dark Roasts: they remove most of the distinguishing characteristics from the coffee, so you probably can't distinguish our dark (French) roast from Starbucks or Tully's or Peet's. (Yes there IS a difference: some are bad, others are really bad, and some are barely tolerable...)

Second, you need to realize that the terms "good" and "dark" are mutually exclusive. I can give you something dark. I can give you something good. But I can't give you both in one. Clearly, you know nothing about coffee if you want something "good and dark." Let me put it this way: Dark roast is to Coffee as Velveeta is to Cheese. Does that clear things up?

Now don't misunderstand me, I don't mind that you know nothing about coffee; It does upset me when you pretend like you do.

Here's what I suggest you say when you come in to the shop if you don't know what you want but you don't want to lose face because you're a coffee beginner: "Hi, I'd really like to buy something tasty." There, that's what you meant in the first place--you're not insulting our coffees, and you're not pretending to be something you're not. Excellent.