Tuesday, February 13, 2007

On Greek Coffee

Gregory, currently of Thessaloniki, Greece, (http://www.edwardsingreece.blogspot.com/ ) inspired this one...

For those of you who have never been to Greece, there is no way that you can understand or appreciate the insanity of life there; Neither will you believe what I say about it, casting my words off as the most ridiculous exaggeration. I assure that in the following essay, I am as level-headed and even-handed as a person can be. I have sustained no head injuries, nor was I recently jilted by a Greek lover. I have no ulterior motive, save perhaps to put painful realities into a humorous light. Indeed, though you will likely deem me harsh and uncouth, to those who know Greece, my words will seem an innocent child's storybook version of the truth: watered down, covering the worst, pulling punches when harsh judgement is required. But I digress...
Greek society does not function; Well, you might say it functions, but in the way that chaos might be said to "function." It's as if someone organized a crazy-person think tank, and Greece was the fruit of its labors. That's not to say that I don't like Greece or the Greek people, because I do. But these people are crazy. They are, literally, ready to riot on a moment's notice for any reason at all. "What's this? A riot? What's the cause? Who cares? I'm in!" Ditto for going on strike. The rule of thumb for Greeks is to consider laws as some sort of personal challenge: something to be conquered, avoided, ignored, but certainly never obeyed. To add to the entertainment, this is a land where rumors are routinely reported as fact on the television news. These people, many of whom are much more educated than I could hope to be, will believe the most ridiculous rumors: "I do no drink the Coca-Cola. They put the blood of babies in it." (What?)
Greeks are perhaps the most xenophobic, ethnocentric people I have met. They will angrily denounce war, especially when it comes to the U.S. (and rightfully so, usually), but they will hear no evil spoken of Alexander the Great and his war conquests. Many of them believe that Christopher Columbus was Greek, and they will fight you (really, fisticuffs, not joking) if you insist otherwise. To Greeks, everything Greek is good, and they don't trust anything from "the outside."

Coffee came to the Greeks via the Turks in the 15th century as they conquered the Roman ("Byzantine") empire. In fact, the first "coffee house" in recorded history was in Constantinople, the former capitol of the Roman (Greek) empire. (A little side note: the term "Greek" is left over propaganda from Charlemagne, not their actual name. Greeks call themselves Hellenes or Romans. The term "Byzantine", likewise is the invention of Western European historians. The "Byzantines" were really "Romans." Now, back to coffee...) The coffee these conquering Turks brought came from the southern tip of the Arabian Peninsula (Yemen) and/or Ethiopia, the birthplace of cafe arabica (good tasting coffee). The Turks, the Greeks, and almost everyone in the eastern Mediterranean prepared coffee by grinding the beans to a fine powder, adding spices and sweeteners and boiling it in a tiny pot called an ibrik. The coffee was served in a tiny (2 oz or so) cup. This is still the the way coffee is prepared today in the near and middle East. It is reasonable to assume that this coffee was fairly high quality. If not up to today's "specialty" standards, at least it did not contain any cafe robusta, that super-nasty tasting coffee originating in the West African low-lands. Greeks and Turks and Armenians and Assyrians and all other people in the Turkish Ottoman Empire roasted and ground their own coffee, thus it was nice and fresh: yummy. This was the status quo from the 15th century more or less until World War II, which saw the shift of coffee agriculture swing to Brazil. Somewhere in the World War and in the ensuing four year civil war, Greeks forgot what coffee was supposed to be like (understandably so). They started using low quality Brazilian robusta beans, perhaps also mixed with low quality arabica. Moreover, they started using a super-light "Cinnamon" roast (a super light brown color of the bean, not cinnamon flavored). It should go without saying that I'm all for light roasts. But the light roast they are using is ridiculously light--right around first crack (about 400 degrees), which is too light even by light roast lovers' standards. That said, I would only roast very high quality coffee at a light roast; the beans the Greeks use is of the lowest grade. If ever there were a case for dark roasted coffee, the beans the Greeks use could be the deal maker. The natural taste of this coffee needs to be covered, destroyed: burn it, add flavorings, anything--the coffee flavor has nowhere to go but up.
If you know Greeks (and I should point out that I have Greek ancestry and lived in Greece for a year), it goes without saying that they cannot hear any of this. They sincerely believe their coffee is wonderful, and might come to blows in an argument if you were to tell them the facts above. They also believe that the coffee they use now is traditional Greek coffee. If you were to give them the fresh-roasted, fresh-ground, African coffee of their ancestors, they would not accept it, believing it to be some exotic innovation (not a compliment for a Greek).
It gets worse still... If you ask a Greek for the "really good stuff," you would probably be served "ena nes," that is, Nescafe instant coffee. The only thing that makes this stuff tolerable is that they usually mix it into a "frappe" (frap-ay), a drink made my mixing a spoonful of instant coffee, a spoon or two of sugar and a tiny bit of water, shaking it all up until it's frothy, then serving it over ice with a bit more cold water and cream. The downside is that they charge you 4 euros for it, and believe it's gourmet.
Well, now you probably think I hate Greece. I do despise the coffee, and the culture can take some getting used to, but I love Greece and look forward to returning. I'll just bring my own coffee...

13 comments:

Munkee said...

Sometimes your broad brushing with coffee is intolerable. Robusta is not always synonymous with crap coffee. Further, Brazil currently produces some of the most consistent, quality coffees available.

That said, your sentiment about greek/turkish coffee is well understood. Tragic.

Panimatka Philo said...

Yes. Most of what I say is 80% true. Can't cover all the bases, and if I did, it would lose its comic effect. However, I can't agree with you about Robusta. Sure, it can taste ok in a blend. It can even serve a good purpose in espresso. But I've cupped super-high quality, washed robusta that costs more than some specialty arabica, and it is still intolerable on its own. I am open to the possibility of a good robusta, but I'm not expecting it.

Munkee said...

Yes, with the caveat that it is blended it can be a very important component of espresso. Robusta can provide nice crema, a slight bite, and of course a bit more amperage with its higher caffeine level.

Touche Dr.

Fr. Gregory said...

Bravo, Tzesse! I can assure your readers that you are not, in fact, making any of this up (as much as we all may wish that you were).
You didn't mention the fact that of course the Greeks call this traditional coffee from THE OTTOMANS "Greek coffee," NOT Turkish coffee. If you have to ask why they insist on doing this, re-read the post.
PS- I've now been told by at least 10 Greeks that the word 'okay' (or OK) is actually from the Greek phrase 'Ola Kala' (which means 'all is well', or 'everything is good'). When I ask "Then why don't they say Omicron Kappa rather than the English letters Oh Kay?" I get a blank, uncomprehending expression.

Fr. Gregory said...

Oh, and I should add something that will likely horrify you. The coffee situation here is so bad here that the recent arrival of two Starbucks in Thessaloniki was greeted with great rejoicing by the Americans.
In America, we wouldn't be caught dead in a Starbucks. Here, the native coffee is so disgusting that Starbucks' habitually burnt coffee is considered by the Americans as a sort of nectar of the gods.

Panimatka Philo said...

Gregory,

No worries about Starbucks. When I lived in Greece, I ate at McDonalds fairly regularly. I never eat there in the U.S., but there was something of home in that restaurant. And they always had change, as opposed to anything locally owned. Is that still a problem? People would go crazy if you handed them a 20 euro bill, and get all pissy if you didn't have change. Actually, I started to take a sick sort of pleasure in telling them I didn't have change... Kalo Sarakosti!

Munkee said...

Congrats, Dad.

Fr. Gregory said...

YES! They are still very weird about their change. If you give them a 20 or, God forbid, a 50, you can pretty much expect to get a big sigh and a "Ella, vre!" My method is usually to take all the change out of my pocket and show it to them, so as to prove that I have nothing smaller. This seems to usually satisfy them.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog on moment of agony; it seems I cant avoid yet another trip to Greece. It felt comforting that there is someone who shares my views of Greece and Greeks. Ok, they are nice on small doses. And one of those guys I'll spend some time with runs a coffee shop...

itelli said...

Born and raised not far from Thessaloniki myself. Been living in UK for almost half me life now.

I can't help but wonder why oh why didn't u eat Goody's instead of McDonalds?

Every nationality is good when it's in small doses. Come to Scotland, ask the locals what they think of American golfers... :)

And by the way, every nationality I met, always talk about italian coffee. Not American.

Having said that, I guess I always enjoy a "flitzani" of Greek/Turkish/Serbian/Lebanese coffee because, like u, I want a taste from home.

No hard feelings whatsoever btw. :) Ur findings on greeks and their (our) culture is 120% spot on!

Panimatka Philo said...

Itelli--

Don't tell me that you're a Scott as well?! (My mother's maiden name is Stewart.)

However, I must say I'm very surprised that xenophobic Europeans wouldn't be into American coffee. You're so into America over there... ;-)
Of course you haven't ever heard of people talking about American coffee! But then, you probably haven't heard of people talking about Icelandic or Norwegian coffee, and those are both places blowing the doors off of the coffee world. Italy is great/amazing, and we in the coffee world can't help but admire Italy for its amazing coffee culture. But they're not the be all to end all.

Cheers! Xristos Anesti! (soon)

itelli said...

Been living in Scotland for almost 5 years now, but am 100% original Greek specimen :)

It is too long a chat, but i'll limit myself to this: It's not a coffee problem. Europeans (xenophobic as well as non-) pretty much hated all americans, until Katrina happened and they (we) realised it wasn't EVERYONE; just the administration that sucked.

(See? Being greek and in a "coffee" environment, I am genetically compelled to talk politics...)

Anyway. Let's talk about coffee. Needless to say I will follow u from now on.

Καλό Πάσχα!

umberto d. said...

I was just over in Greece and didn't get into one fist fight during the week-long stay though I did have to dropkick a dog one day, but that is a different story.

In that short time, there was one public transport strike and one 300+ member Critical Mass-like bicycling parade pedaling through the Athenian night.

The light brown coffee in Greece was a pleasant surprise for both the eye and the palate. Variety is good. If I had to complain about coffee, I would target the single-serve coffee vending machines sprouting up all over Europe. What they serve is a half-cup crime against humanity.

Greeks have character! They started so much of what Western civilization thinks it is about. You have to be willing to take one on the chin and to give one back if you are going to shake up the world.