Well, there's been a new trend in Seattle coffee of late: bikini/lingerie clad women serving the espresso.
I like to call it "Lecherous Old Man Espresso." It bothers me, but doesn't surprise me too much. However, it did start me on a humorous line of thought for other themed espresso shops...
"Jealous Stalker Cafe" Here, your barista not only serves you a sweet cup o joe, but secretly follows you around. Buyer beware, these baristas have been known to slip into a jealous rage and make a scene if you're discovered at Starbucks.
"Would you like a back rub? Cafe" Here, your barista tenderly kneads your milk into your espresso, then tenderly kneads that knot out of your back.
"Shameless flattery cafe" Definitely aimed at women, your barista is likely to ask if you've lost weight as he pours a heart on your ristretto macchiato.
"Creepy Silent Barista Cafe" Is your barista mute? When you order your cappuccino, he stares at you intensely, slowing leaning forward until you're mere inches from his face... No expression, save that intense, unblinking stare. Yeah, you'll get your cappy, but you'll have creepy shivers for the rest of the day.
Ok, this is stupid... but i've already wasted too much time writing it to delete it...
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
On customers who have been to Italy...
I admire the Italian coffee tradition and nourish a small hope to some day visit The Boot on an espresso pilgrimage. It is with envy that I listen to many of my customers who visit and come back with tales of amazing coffee.
However, it is with dismay that I notice that these same customers order drinks like a sugar-free vanilla, non-fat latte when they return to the States. They all rave about the amazing coffee they drank in Italy, but fail to make the connection that they could have amazing coffee here as well, if they would just order it. Why don't they? Perhaps because they don't think that they can get good espresso here: I can sympathize with them if that's the case.
It goes without saying that if you order coffee from most American coffee shops, you are going to get some fairly nasty stuff, and it might be advisable to cover that "espresso" with 42 ounces of milk and a good slog of vanilla syrup. However, there are some good roasteries and shops here in the states as well, where you can order fantastic coffee, Italian style or otherwise.
However, I've come to the conclusion that these customers are not actually interested in coffee at all. I'm not even sure that they enjoyed their Italian espresso. I think they're mainly interested in bragging to me. If they had gone to France, they'd brag about the wine; if Greece, the gyros; if China, the tea. The point being, they might not be able to differentiate stale robusta from fresh Panama La Esmeralda,* but they do know that Italy is famous for coffee. Thus, they brag about the coffee in Italy, loudly and incessantly, hoping to incite envy, to anyone who will listen, which usually means me. And yes, I am envious.
*Last year's Cup of Excellence winner
I admire the Italian coffee tradition and nourish a small hope to some day visit The Boot on an espresso pilgrimage. It is with envy that I listen to many of my customers who visit and come back with tales of amazing coffee.
However, it is with dismay that I notice that these same customers order drinks like a sugar-free vanilla, non-fat latte when they return to the States. They all rave about the amazing coffee they drank in Italy, but fail to make the connection that they could have amazing coffee here as well, if they would just order it. Why don't they? Perhaps because they don't think that they can get good espresso here: I can sympathize with them if that's the case.
It goes without saying that if you order coffee from most American coffee shops, you are going to get some fairly nasty stuff, and it might be advisable to cover that "espresso" with 42 ounces of milk and a good slog of vanilla syrup. However, there are some good roasteries and shops here in the states as well, where you can order fantastic coffee, Italian style or otherwise.
However, I've come to the conclusion that these customers are not actually interested in coffee at all. I'm not even sure that they enjoyed their Italian espresso. I think they're mainly interested in bragging to me. If they had gone to France, they'd brag about the wine; if Greece, the gyros; if China, the tea. The point being, they might not be able to differentiate stale robusta from fresh Panama La Esmeralda,* but they do know that Italy is famous for coffee. Thus, they brag about the coffee in Italy, loudly and incessantly, hoping to incite envy, to anyone who will listen, which usually means me. And yes, I am envious.
*Last year's Cup of Excellence winner
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
This just in: a local boy was bitten by a rattle snake, the same day as my snake analogy. In a bit of macabre irony, the boy is fine; the snake dead.
Today is a bit rainy: a nice semi-warm, spring rain. I rode my bike anyway, wearing my yellow rain slicker and green rain pants. Together with my red Surly I made up one sweet, rainy, Rasta flag.
We have a little "I need service" bell sitting on our counter, just in case I'm in the office when someone comes into the shop. I believe that the bell has been used for its intended purpose once. Mainly my friends and regulars ring it when I'm two feet away. Apparently its quite entertaining to watch a spasmodic twitch of anger run across my face.
Next ringer gets decaf.
I have spoken.
Today is a bit rainy: a nice semi-warm, spring rain. I rode my bike anyway, wearing my yellow rain slicker and green rain pants. Together with my red Surly I made up one sweet, rainy, Rasta flag.
We have a little "I need service" bell sitting on our counter, just in case I'm in the office when someone comes into the shop. I believe that the bell has been used for its intended purpose once. Mainly my friends and regulars ring it when I'm two feet away. Apparently its quite entertaining to watch a spasmodic twitch of anger run across my face.
Next ringer gets decaf.
I have spoken.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Quit your whining
Ok, Ok, I know it's been a while since I've posted, and now you've got yourself all worked up because you don't get to read about my misery, making your life seem meeningful and sane by comparison.
Truth is, sometimes I get too worked up over all this coffee world crud, and then I don't want to post, because it would be too serious. Plus, I don't think that it's good to unleash too much sarcastic venom on the world at once. Rather, like the Rattle Snake, I must inject my victims with just the right amount of toxin. I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's deep. Regardless, I've always wanted to work a Rattle Snake analogy into my writing.
I may die in peace now.
Ok, Ok, I know it's been a while since I've posted, and now you've got yourself all worked up because you don't get to read about my misery, making your life seem meeningful and sane by comparison.
Truth is, sometimes I get too worked up over all this coffee world crud, and then I don't want to post, because it would be too serious. Plus, I don't think that it's good to unleash too much sarcastic venom on the world at once. Rather, like the Rattle Snake, I must inject my victims with just the right amount of toxin. I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's deep. Regardless, I've always wanted to work a Rattle Snake analogy into my writing.
I may die in peace now.
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